who really cares anyways. ugh. what is this.

So I guess I’m feeling really unappreciated today. I need to talk to Billy. He always makes me feel good about myself haa. I don’t even have to talk, he just knows. He’s a cool friend. So is his girlfriend, Sam. They’re both really cool because they always know what to say to me when I need it.  Mostly Billy though, sadly I don’t see Sam that often. I’m not embarrassed, because I know I worked my arse off and I’m going to sort this out, but right now my grade in Newspaper is a D. AmuatherfuckingD. Like seriously, swivel. (if you’re not in Kellog’s class, that means fuck in ‘shakespearean english’ or something rather. It was this story we read at the beginning of the year… I don’t quite recall..)   I do so much for that class, you have no idea. I spend after school/ lunch/ other classes working on stuff for that class. I’m always thinking about that class. Always. And when my teacher says “I owe you” and hands me a paper that says my grade is a D……… I get very confused. So yeah. I have to figure out what to say to her. Because, really, it’s not okay. I do all of my work and more so I don’t understand why the heck that happened.

In other news, to the same note and tone as before, I was told to do this dumb insurance thing – or I can’t go to Nationals. That is not fair okay. There were no terms before… and now what? What changed?! I don’t know., but I’ll do anything to go to Nationals so weird insurance thing, here I come! (ugh)

Okay, now for some good news, take a deep breath. It’s going to all get better. Okay. Breathe. ahhhh.

Susan finally has a website! YAY! it’s http://www.susanbasham.com/ and well, I was one of the first to read her new upcoming book… like last year sometime. Anyways, it’s pretty cool… and she’s blogging! Not nearly to the extent of my blogging adventures but yay! If you’re wondering, she’s my Mom’s friend first. I don’t randomly go hang out with people twice my age. Well. If you count agility. uh.

Second wave of good news, I’m going to the beach with Kimmie & Navi!!!!!!! Friday, Saturday and I’ll be back Sunday afternoon… we will have no internet connection (ahhhhh) or cell phone connection (aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!) so I think on Sunday night I’ll be on the internet all night long trying to catch up on the feat’s I’ve missed. This also means no blogging. If you know me, I have a blog post open throughout the day (you can tell, especially if it’s choppy, that I’ve been writing throughout the day) and I just write. I write whatever comes to my head and it feels good. Because later, when I don’t feel like/ can’t remember anything at all. I can go read my blog and be like ohh. duh.

Third wave of good news, instead of writing, I was editing this story of mine. I’ve been calling it Quiver, but that’s not it’s real name. I need a name really badly for one of the characters. ugh. he’s like a supporting character that only appears once so far. why is this so hard. I love this story, like really, I”m getting REALLY into it. Which is funny because usually I’m only “really into it” when I just start writing. Then it goes downhill and I don’t actually care. But that’s because by the time I’m past the “opening” part I start to outline what happens next and it’s boring, in this, I’m not outlining anything. I’m just writing. Free Falling. Letting my hands work it out. I have no control, except the word choice. Well, I guess I do have control… but right now I’m just typing and it’s effortless. like ahhhhhhhhhhhh. feels good.

And now finally. I’m being a scatter brain today. I don’t think anything makes sense in my head right now. I just want to sit down and watch New Girl. And curl up in a blanket. And wish I had a puppy. But look at me, I’m leaving for two weekends, two weekends I’ll be George-less. Two weekends I’ll probably cry myself to sleep, except Nationals – I’ll probably be bursting and not be able to sleep because of all of the people I’ll be meeting. When I go to the beach this upcoming weekend Nationals is probably all I’ll talk about. It’s all I ever talk about these days. But not having George with me… I swear, we both get separation anxiety. Even at school, I’m always running through my head. I wonder what George is doing. Will we be able to do agility after school, oh, nope, it’s pouring rain. Darn.

And College. SSU Equestrian Team, here I comeeee! If I can’t do agility, I’m going to ride horses like no tomorrow, bitchezz. Not to mention, there is an agility place like ten minutes from SSU. I’ll have to do some investigating. I never thought I’d say this (especially when I was a little kid but sometimes, well, more regularly than not, agility >>> horseback riding) all though, my heart clenches every time I see a horse… agility has a much more rewarding feeling afterwords… I think. Both of them give me an adrenalin rush and that’s addicting as it is. The photo above is me on Cutter in 2008. I’m pretty sure that was our Camp Schooling Show – just SJ.

ah. anyways. so. that’s just a though. I think I’ll publish this for today and go to sleep or something. I really need to do this thing so I can go to nationals. heeeelp. hehhh. OH YES TOMORROW IS WEDNESDAY. BEST DAY OF THE WEEK. AWH YEAHHHH.

oh yeah, and Prom. Kudos to Daphne for being super duper prepared. Damn girl, I’m awful at planning stuff like that. She’s too awesome. arr. matey.
g’night. I’ll get things sorted out in my head sooner or later.

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