irrelevant, I’m just another somebody, or maybe nobody.

My grades are all A’s and B’s… I managed to raise that one grade in like a day (don’t even ask, I work miracles..) and my parents open up my report card and BAM. no reaction. Hey Nicole, come get your grades.
like nothing?! Really? could you please at least say “good job” or “way to go” … I mean, really, even sarcasm would suffice!
but honestly I don’t…. I don’t even know what to say.

Today’s another one of those days where people seem to have no problem ignoring me. I might as well be invisible and/ or completley useless. I even talked to my Mom about this.

Okay, so all day, I’ve been working on Newspaper stuff, we’re determined to go to press tomorrow. So I stayed in that class, literally all day. I ran this teacher’s second period class today. I ran it. I told her that I ran it. Yet like usual, I get no recognition, what so ever. According to everyone I’m useless and, well, nobody. Sara and I stay though sixth period to try to get this Newspaper done and her friends (who came back with panda for her) and Cav went on and on about how much work she’s done. Don’t get me wrong, I love Sara, she’s awesome and she has been doing a shit load of work… but so have I.
and now she’s taking home the papers… and I feel this feeling like I have no idea what’s going on. I practically did the whole last issue, I learned the program as fast as I fucking could so I could teach everyone else, I went through and fixed everyone’s pages… I spent hours upon hours working on that fucking paper… and I got no recognition. Now, I’m trying to let Sara regain her position as Editor in Chief, and all of a sudden, it’s like I’m worthless. Like I’m working, but not important. Excess. They could use someone else the same as me.
I guess I just feel undervalued. These damn feelings. I wish I were special. I wish I were different. I wish I were that girl. Sometimes. Only sometimes. But this is irrelevant and unimportant, because I’m going to college. Then I’ll rock at being a computer scientist, and then I’ll rock everyone’s agility asses off, and compete in both international showjumping  & agility… like a rockstar… then I’ll be famous. Or something like that. I don’t actually know. Just saying these things makes me feel good about myself.

I need a shirt that says nobody, so that when they ignore me, I can feel like they’re just referring to my shirt. yeeeop. how my brain works.

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