those times, where everything starts to flood back

So I’m sitting here, relaxing, my head throbbing … so I’m watching a mixture of agility and hunter videos. Seeing high strung, and sometimes green horses in the EQ ring makes memories flood back, of Midnight, always spooking, ducking out from jumps and hand galloping out of them. Memories of her holding her head so high I could hardly control her. My nerves before riding in the EQ ring, I made sure I was far enough from her so that I could calm down before I came even near her. She knew what I was thinking, most of the time better than I did. But that’s horses for you.  And then I watched the calmer horses, they’re heads are lowered but they’re going just as fast- sometimes faster, but they’re calm about it. Watching these horses makes the thrill of riding Cutter come back. He is a dream horse, perfectly composed like the calmer horses. He didn’t fight for the bit, duck out or misbehave. Well. I wouldn’t say he didn’t misbehave… because he totally did, but he was doing because sometimes, he just wanted to play his own way. It was just his personality… and for some reason, I think he cared how I felt. He wouldn’t canter so quickly on days where I didn’t feel good. If I really didn’t feel good, he’d shove his head in my chest while I was grooming him and it made me laugh.

Then I watch agility videos. There are no mixed feelings. No nerves, just thrill. Imagining how cool it’d be to run a dog like that.  There are no bad days in agility, I don’t get nervous because George messes up. There is no teeny ounce of fear, because you’re not attempting to work with a thousand pound horse who could potentially kill you if they felt like it. That fear only came with riding Midnight though, and at the time, I was determined to get over it… but it was apparent, Midnight wasn’t going to stop rushing and ducking out in a hurry- and more than anything, I needed time. So I rode Tony, an adorable Arab for a while. Tony is super quirky with the smoothest trot I’ve ever seen… he is just a smooth horse in general.

but thinking about all of this, feeling these feelings… it only made me wonder, do I like agility more than riding?
do I? I don’t have the answer to that question… but I honestly have no negative thoughts associated with agility so… props to that…. but riding….
I know, I’d honestly give almost anything to do either. I love them both so very much.

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