we walk the plank, with our eyes wide open

this song makes me smile. I’m a pirate, I’m not walking the plank… yet here we are. It makes me wonder, what I’ll be thinking at the ‘end of my story.’ it’s kind of sad. Well, really sad. It’s a good song. I think. Then it was the title of a very amazing friend of mine’s blog for quite some time.

Somewhere inside me is this secret (kind-of) dream to lead a simple life. To have few things, white walls, a clean, simple flat…. spend my days blogging, photographing, walking through a big city with my future dog. Not a whole lot different from my life now. Also in this surreal dream, I am an actress. It’s just a weird sort-of fantasy that I have. It keeps me going.

But then there’s my other half. My half that says I want to live in the country, with horses and a few dogs (again with my camera) a simple, small-ish house is all I need. And acres, of course.
I’ve mostly focused on the latter dream, though the first has always been there, almost as strong (except you can’t have horses in the city. pity.) But I’d like to try both…. and see what I really want. I want to leave no stone unturned and actually *try* something. I want to have no regrets. I don’t want to wonder if I’d done something differently, if things would have turned out differently.

I want to be more than just some random girl who was constantly on the internet. Well. Maybe.
I will probably always be that girl who spent too much time on the internet…

I’m starting to miss George, already. On Thursday, I head down to SSU for Orientation, I’m nervous. It’s been a while since I’ve been without George for more than one day. How am I going to last dog-less at school? aaaaaargh.
so many thoughts. I want a sheltie puppy. Somedays I wish I could run away and become an artist. But you know, that’s not life. So I figure, if I made everything I did art..

I guess I should talk about graduation. I’m still putting off that post. It’s a draft, in another tab. Not to be published for as long as I can possibly put it off. I picked up my diploma today, it felt weird. Almost wrong, like I was just there to pick up a piece of paper, nothing more. Like I’d be back tomorrow. It still hasn’t clicked. My diploma is in it’s case on my dresser and it might as well be fake, I feel nothing.  No sense of anything. I want to go back and feel things but I still feel like I’m dreaming. Like I’ll wake up tomorrow and do it all over *for real* that time. But it was real. I need to just figure that out.

I think I’m going to go to bed now.

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