I miss taekwondo, like REALLY badly.  I miss playing soccer, I miss agility, I miss horseback riding… I miss being competitive.  I REALLY miss competing.  I want to kick, punch, run, ride…
When people ask me to describe myself, I start with sports.  Sports have built my life, competing has been a massive part of making me who I am.  It’s hard to even imagine life without a team, or a weekend that isn’t filled with competing. I need to be busy, I need to train.

When I compete, my mind is focused, nothing else matters. I can concentrate on what I need to. Focus on the task ahead.  I go unfazed by distractions, am mentally and physically strong… but here… what do I have?  I don’t have taekwondo, I wanted to do intramural soccer but the deadline came and left. I want to be on the equestrian team and have been bombarding them with emails but still, no response.  My mind wanders. I long for competition to make me happy and all I’ve got now is me and my own mind.  I train for no reason, the miles I run are for no sport, for my own need to just run, stretch.  I need something to shoot for, not just grades.

I miss agility  probably the most.  Maybe because I miss George AND agility….

So, the point is… I need to find a sport.  And start competing and working for it, because as soon as I do that… these feelings of irritable self-depravation will go away.


4 thoughts on “feels

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