old habits, just distracted.

my other tabs are filled with my favorite blogs, those that I follow, read, digest, and typically like – with a rare comment (if I have the attention span).  Strewn across our kitchen table lies all of my papers, books, and breakfast.  I keep staring at it guiltily.  It should just work on itself, and then I can clean it and put it away, right? A paper cup from the cafeteria is filled to the brim with pink lemonade and ice. Ice that tempts me with the cruelest means- to devour it (nasty habit, I know.) I hear one of my roommate’s footsteps in the hall and flinch to minimise my Google Chrome window and grab a pen, hastily looking through my agenda.  It’s not like that’ll do anything.  Old habits just die hard.

Ed Sheeran plays softly on itunes.  His lyrics make me smile, so much soft contrast.

More distractions.

I pick up my pen again, trying to focus on my work.  Math: I’ve only got four problems and a bit of reading left to do.  Four problems too many, four problems I’ve been putting off for a day, four reasons I want to return to the comfort of the internet.  Familiar habits.

Dear Billy, I begin to write.  Billy is a very wonderful friend of mine in the army.  I was planning on sending him a letter today and still am.  It’s four pages long, but I’m not finished with it yet.

Four pages of writing.

Four math problems.

I’m scrolling through an article that Billy talked about in his letter to me.  I guess he has more insight than most but I still find the news interesting [link]. Women in the military, eh?  He doesn’t care for it too much.  I think it’s kind of neat.  Look at the United States, now.  Changing, growing.

Not distracted.

Ed Sheeran is talking about missing someone.  I can think of a lot of people that I miss right now.  Thoroughly enjoying my over-sized sweatshirt and best shoes.  My shoes were a light blue at one point, now they mostly look brownish.  They’re tattern and torn, filled with holes and hardly shoes anymore, but they’re my favorites. The soles are almost flattened. I’ve had them since I was in seventh grade. Six years ago. Best decision on shoes.

It’s ten o’clock and already sunny outside.  The sun casts reflections off of the freshly-polished coffee table and casts a blue-like glow around the room.  My phone lit up with a new text message.  Another message, ignored.  Looking out the window at the trees and mountains I can’t help but smile, it’s quite lovely here.  I’ll never get over the idea that my school is surrounded by a gorgeous mountain range.  Fields of nothing, trees, open-ness.  Freedom.
oh, the rain
But I mustn’t forget my math homework, nor my Equestrian team practice, nor the meetings after that… I’ve got much to do and not much time to be distracted.  Yet here I am.

I must learn to focus. Change my shutter speed, adjust my focus and range of view.  Perhaps use a macro lens so there isn’t much else to concentrate on.

Hello math, fancy seeing you here.

2 thoughts on “old habits, just distracted.

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