what I do

It’s funny the way life works in it’s little ways.  Problems seem so big at the time, people so focused on “the now” and how to make their own lives better.  How we are reminded at how petty our own problems are in comparison to how short life really is.

It’s terrifying to think about it all.  The world, how fragile each small part of it is.  I can’t stop my hands from shaking as I type.  My mind, nauseous from hearing the news.  Why is it always such a shock, why does it make people tense up and hurt, what makes it so surprising?


Squeezing my eyes shut.  I don’t want to talk about it, or let it cross my mind.  Realizing that nothing is permanent is probably one of the most terrifying things.  Talk of it is so taboo it’s hard to say the name, or that someone is “no longer with us.”  So as much as it pains me to think about this, I feel as though I must write.  Taboo be gone from this writing.

These thoughts are for Jimmie Lowder. (his name describes him pretty well.)  I went to Elementary School, Middle School and High School with this cool kid.  We never were that close.  Just knew of each other and played together at recess in elementary school.  I know I still have the picture of the soccer ball he drew for me on my birthday in the second grade somewhere in my closet.

My heart grows heavy and weary, especially for those who knew him best. Family and friends alike.  It’s times like these that remind you about the little things that matter.  Somehow it takes me back to senior year of high school.  We had an inspirational speaker who came to our school and spoke to our senior class.  “You won’t remember my name or what I say, but you’ll remember me by what I do”  he said.  More than anything he was right.  Jimmie made us laugh (anyone he came across, I’m sure).

So smile a little, laugh. Life is terrifyingly short.  Tell people you love that you love them.  Remember, that you will be remembered by not what you say, but what you do.

Because what you do defines who you are.

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