I’ve been overwhelmed by a nagging thoughts lately so don’t mind the choppy, unorganized writing. It seems the best way to get thoughts and a heavy weight off your chest is to write about it. Distractions only last so long before those “what if” thoughts become so overpowering the rest of your being becomes depressed knowing you are the only thing holding you back.
Being presented with opportunity after opportunity, you begin to wonder if it’s a sign. Perhaps now is the time to stop existing and start living. To remember that dreams really do count and maybe what has been reinforced to be the “right way” isn’t so right for you after all. Perhaps you need to find your own light, your own happiness – your own silver lining.
Life is but a vision.
In quite a few sports you are taught to first visualize, then practice and later achieve. How is that any different from life? It might be frightening to see yourself going off into the world, but once you’re living it, discovering it isn’t’ all that bad is a rewarding but humbling experience.
There are things and people brought into your life to show you purpose, to give you reasons and longing for life. You are not alone in these discoveries, this journey becoming the person you are supposed to become.
The other day I wrote, but never published this bit and felt it still relevant – “I might just be tired from the long hike this morning. As steep and slippery the snow covered trail was, the journey was well worth it in the end. As many times as I slipped back and felt as though my legs were taking me nowhere I could look up from the path in which I was walking and see my friends – and when they weren’t – George was looking back at me, waiting patiently.
These nineteen short years of my life I’ve been blessed enough to have a friend who pushed me, pulled me and taken me places. He’s twelve years old and still quite a bit more wise than I. From when I wrote, he was curled in a little ball beside me, his eyes half shut, nearly asleep.”
The challenges in your life are presented to you because you are strong enough to face them. It’s not in what you want but more so what you need. It takes a courage I am afraid of not having to take me where I would like to go, and fear holds me back from being bold enough to say what I want and to achieve the things my heart holds so dear. I wish I could explain the things I feel but there are no words that could possibly explain this kind of desire. The only feeling that comes relatively close is “Reflection” in the Mulan movie. I want to be able to look back at myself, what I’ve done and the person I’m becoming and accept that this is the journey I have chosen for myself. The person “I am inside.” Where does she get the strength to become that person? The answer lies deep within one’s self. But for now it’s life at the moment. The daily grind. Work, plan, but don’t haste: the days will go by quickly.
“I just gotta, I just gotta know
I can’t have it, I can’t have it any other way”
– Vance Joy “Riptide”