I want to apologies for that writing hiatus, perhaps to explain why. What is an explanation but an excuse? So I won’t bother.
Since my last post quite a bit has happened. In the most particular of ways during that same amount of time, very little has happened. Perhaps this is because “quite a bit” and the “long” span of time are both relative. Rather, it might just be because I am living the changes they seem so much less dynamic. This is vague but all the matter, things are changing and the world doesn’t wait for you and me to think about it.
When you’re really riding a horse you must constantly adjust and readjust in the smallest ways. Like a wave or a pattern there are slight changes but these changes are constant. Finding your center of gravity and matching the cadence of a horse is all in a matter of listening. Understanding the pace and stride of your teammate who carries you and meeting it. Realizing that if you want something to change, you must make the change. The rider must take responsibility for themselves and the way the ride is going depends mostly on the rider. This is all a manner of general speaking, and of course, is still very relative and subjective by nature.
I am not content where I am as an individual. My “old” desires and dreams linger like the smell of fish: on your clothes, breath- and mind. It’s not that these desires and dreams are necessarily “old,” but they have certainly become bitter. Having been crushed at the realization of barriers, understanding I must wait or put what I wanted on hold for other reasons. Balance is making the most of all of this, understanding that time is relative, subjective and will come to pass. Balance is still a concept I am still trying to understand.
To say I need to write more frequently is an understatement, I really do. More often than not I have the words to write, but not the motivation to make time.
I won’t give you excuses but I will give you this: the hardest part of doing anything is starting.